Comprehended RulesPosted: January 29, 2014 | |
All families have a ruling system. Some rules are spoken and some unspoken. Some are determined in advance while others are on the fly.
Having rules is one thing, but why are those rules there? Are they based on safety? Are they based on religion? Are they based on tradition? Rules are great, but rules can easily become legalistic and authoritarian. Those two things are not good in a household. They create negative consequences in children toward their parents. Children can be afraid of their parents. They could hate their parents. Legalism and authoritarian need to absent in everyone’s household.
What can curb rules from being those two things, since rules are necessary in every household? The best way is to make sure children know why rules exist in their heads, but also in their hearts. They need to comprehend fully why those rules exist and why they have value. It is not enough for them to know the existence of those rules, but to know why they exist.
Rules that stem from the child’s safety helps teach children that parents want to keep their children safe. Rules that stem from religion help children understand why those rules are important to the family’s faith. Rules that stem from tradition help children understand the value of the past and why certain things are important to their individual family.
If rules exist only to control a child, then those rules need to be evaluated and possibly discarded. Parenting isn’t about controlling a child to adulthood, but about building a child to adulthood.
Explaining to your child, the “why’s” helps them understand more clearly your love for them.