How To Change The “No” To A Positive Conversation

If you are a parent, you have said the word, “no” to your child.  Some of you say “no” on a hourly basis.  A few of you probably say “no” as soon your child begins to ask.  And there might be  a person out there who say’s “no” the minute the child wakes up.

There isn’t a problem with saying the word “no.”  We don’t want our children to get everything and anything they want.  Part of being a parent is setting boundaries for our children.

So when our child comes into the room and asks “can I juggle sharp knives while jumping on the bed?”  I am hoping everyone who reads this blog would agree that this is definitely a “no” answer.

Despite the need to use the word “no” I’m guessing some of us get tired of saying it, and are tired of the negativity. Well, we can change the “no” answer to a positive by taking a few extra steps.

Here is some sample speech you can use to change the “no” to a positive.

The first thing thing you do is start with a “yes” before giving the “no.”

Child: Dad, can I juggle sharp knives while jumping on the bed?

Me: Well, son you can juggle some balls, but let’s stay away from the knives and I would appreciate you not jumping on your bed.

Suggesting the option of juggling with balls was the “yes” in this example. When you start with a yes, it confirms that you are listening to your child and keeps the child engaged in the conversation.  Once you say, “no” it automatically makes a person shut down or if your child is young, opens the door for them to have a tantrum.

Start with a “yes,” then give the “why” if needed.

Child: Dad, can I juggle sharp knives while jumping on the bed?

Me: Well, son you can juggle some balls, but let’s stay away from the knives and I would appreciate you not jumping on your bed.

Child: Why can’t I use knives or jump on the bed?

Me: Thank you for asking. Juggling is okay but knives are very dangerous.  And it is my job to keep you safe.

Adding these two responses before the automatic “no,” will help your relationship with your child.  When you’re in auto mode, The conversation shuts down and could, after a while, shut down conversations on more serious issues. But the “yes” method shows the child that you are engaged.

The best part of the “yes” before “no” is you can practice this method every day, because as we all know, your child asks you plenty of questions.

 

 

 

 


Building Godliness: Joy

What is Joy?

Joy that is found in the Bible is a state of delight and well being that comes from knowing and serving God.1 It isn’t something that is accomplished by our own means, but through what God has done for us, which is the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. (Luke 24: 50 – 52)

As Christians, this is where our joy comes from, but the unsaved can find joy in the consistent open door of salvation (Luke 15). The unsaved, may not know they are lost, eventually they have the opportunity to be saved. And when they become saved, we have joy with the angels and God.

Way to Show Joy to your Family.

Christians should always have joy in their life (Philippians 4:14). If we believe in the resurrection, then our life should be joyful, and it should be in outward appearance and actions. Christians should not be negative and ungrateful people because it is contrary to our faith. If you have no joy, you have no faith because your joy is a sign of your faith, even during a tough time (1 Peter 1: 6 – 8). Because our joy is founded in the resurrection, we know this life is temporary. We are merely on vacation, waiting for our time to go home. Having that knowledge, we treat every day with joy no matter what happens throughout the day. We should always have joy.

When it comes to building faith in our families, joy is an important value to have in our life. If you are miserable, then you are showing your family unfaithfulness to God. Imagine if you are trying to tell others about a great new product that you love, but every time you have the product, you are talking about all its problems. Would your friends or families want that product? If they are smart, then they wouldn’t because they find no need for another thing in their life that has problems. If you are Christian, you should have joy always.

When it comes to your family, you are with them the most in your life. You could pretend to be joyful at work, but your family will know if your faith is real by the joy you show at home. To be the best witness of God to your family, then be joyful.


  1. Dean, Robert J. “Joy.” Ed. Chad Brand et al. Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary 2003 : 956. Print.